Chapter 20
And Harry is a pensive, hungry falcon. Once the Snitch twitches into Harry’s view he is off in a meteoric streak of red. But, just as H. P. zips after the Snitch, his broom starts freaking out. It’s as if someone had a hold of the broom and was trying to shake H. P. off. ‘Is he a bad Seeker?’ the crowd asks. 'No, I just think his broom is cursed.’
Harmony, though her Ocular Enhancing Spell, spies Snake. Snake! Oh my God, of course! She’s putting a spell on Harry! Ahh! Something must be done! Ronnie the Bear curses that Snake a good one as Harmony creeps away. Harry continues to flop and roll in the air, like a doughnut of sorts. His safety is an afterthought; that Snitch has teased him into a frenzied maniac! Mouthoil is overjoyed, Snake continues her magical broom shaking, and Harry yells fuckword after fuckword.
Harmony, though, like a phantom, creeps up the darkened backside of Snake’s bleachers. She is so worried that Harry will die—he is the only person who is nice to her! So, she conjures up such a Hotfoot Spell that Snake will have to remember it long after she is in the grave, where no more Hotfoot Spells will ever tread! Eh! Yes! Snake begins to be so distracted she wrecks all those around her: Queerman, Velázquez, Monster Mash, Zoomacroom, they’re all pissed for Snake tossing about so wildly, and Queerman is oddly intent on the game’s proceedings.
But Harry, Harry has gained control and is after that Snitch like a fucking rocket. Ziff! That Slytherin Seeker has been after it for a while, but I feel bad for him, because he is stupid, and Harry is a rocketized animal who will stop at nothing. Yes, they crash each other as hard as they can as the Snitch leads them straight down, that Snitch leads them down, right down into certain doom!
Are they going to crash? Yes, they’re going to crash, but Harry loves death. He says, 'Bring it on.’ He is like a demon, long dead, with nothing left to lose. The weak-ass Slytherin pulls away, but Harry pulls up just in time. He is standing on his broom like it is an extension of his body. He reaches out, almost having the Snitch, but he stumbles and falls.
Oh my God! Is Harry going to vomit? Of course not! Like a viper, Harry used his voracious mouth as his catcher. He’s got that Snitch in his animal belly, and Pop! it is out! They’ve won! One hundred thousand points for fucking Gryffindor!
The crowd goes absolutely bazonkers! The champions in red and yellow are the victors, and Harry is spent. The crowd is destroying its throats calling Harry’s name. Harry feels right with himself. He’s down there, a new god who has found a calling.
He holds up that Snitch and bellows:
'I am a beautiful animal!
'I am a destroyer of worlds!
'I am Harry Fucking Potter!’
And, dear readers, at last the world was quiet.
hahaha what if i remade again ahahaha i’ve only had this blog since april hahahahahhaha wow i’m gonna hahahahaha
does anybody wanna turntable in a few minutes i havent done that in toooo long
?
2pups said: if we went on a date i would eat the ice cream with you and then up proba;y go to the GIANT UWAJIMAYA because they have that in your town and like ask you about pervy stuff
HELL yes ivy lets do that if you ever come up to seattle again!!!! im 100% serious this will be our first date
great now i’m blind nice going everyone im banishing all of u to the forbidden zone youre all banished
if nobody sends me any messages re: our first date i will go blind
last night i dreamt jon benjamin came over to my house and got to second base w/ me
he gave me a greeting card w/ snoopy on it and signed his name inside
i taped it to my wall
then his wife and baby son came over (both of whom i didn’t know existed) and he told me to act like he hadn’t just touched my boobs and it was really awkward
to be continued (?)
(Source: kanukas)